Deliberate Parenting

School is out for the summer.  This means I'm reminded once again of how I have a tendency to get lazy in my parenting.  When one child is usually gone all day and another one is gone half the day, I just let the little ones play most of the morning without thinking too much about "parenting".  And when the older ones get home, we only have so much time to worry about things like homework and piano before I'm working on dinner or the evening's activities.  So, I guess it's not just laziness but more like just going with the flow and letting life happen.

School is out and now all 5 of my children are home all day long.  What to do?  As much as I love having free time for the kids to just play all day, I also know they need a little structure to go along with that.  I've had to do that annual soul searching of "What do I want to accomplish this summer?" or "What is it I want to do with my kids each day or have them remember about this summer?"

The summer goes by so quickly. I've been reminded of the need for deliberate parenting.  What do I want to teach my children?  What kind of person do I want them to be?  I can't just let them go completely undirected.  If I want them to enjoy reading, I need to make sure there is time to read and take them to the library to choose books.  If I want them to enjoy doing things outside, I need to make sure we go up the canyon or go to the park or have the opportunity to spend time outside.  If I want them to learn to help other people, I need to provide opportunities for them to do kind things for others.

I know this is something I need to work on year round, but summer is always a great opportunity for me to evaluate how I'm "parenting" my children and what I'm doing to help them become the wonderful people I'd like to see them become.

Becoming a responsible adult

I clearly remember the feeling of responsibility I had when I bought my first car.  I signed all the documents and they then gave me the keys and I drove off.  It seemed a little unreal to me that they were going to let me just take the car.  I kept wondering if they were going to make me bring it back. I was so used to at least reporting back to my parents that I was taking the car somewhere, it seemed strange that it was all mine.

I had the same reaction when I bought my house.  The numbers involved were much larger, but really I just signed some papers, they gave me a key, and it was mine.  No worrying about a landlord or reporting back to anyone.  The bank really seemed to think I was a responsible adult and that I was old enough to take care of a house by myself.

I remember having a similar feeling when I had my first child.  Granted, I had spent 9 months carrying her around with me and "taking care" of her.  But, when they checked me out of the hospital, I just took her with me and went home.  No nurses at the house, no "adult" checking up on me to make sure I was doing everything right.  I was supposed to be a responsible adult, and care for this little child. It was more than a little bit overwhelming.  You'd think at 34 I was old enough to consider myself responsible, but I'm not sure anything can prepare you for that type of responsibility.

As I think about it, though, I don't "own" this child in the same sense that I "owned" my car or my house.  She's on loan to me.  She's God's child.  I'm not really left alone with her.  If something with her needs "repairing", I can always go to Him for help.  He feels the responsibility I feel for taking care of her.  He for some reason considers me a responsible adult capable of taking care of His child on a very long term basis.  Knowing this makes me feel the responsibility even more, and at the same time comforts me in knowing I'm not alone in caring for a child.