Spiraling disobedience

I have a 3 year old who I cannot punish.  I know that sounds weird.  When she does something she shouldn't, if I put her in time out or take things away, it just makes things worse.  She seems to spiral downhill more and more the more I try to punish her.  If she hits someone and I put her in timeout, she gets defiant and will then proceed to do something like rip a coloring page.  If I then tell her she loses her crayons, she'll find something else to do.  I frequently can't send her to her room if she's done something wrong, because I'm afraid she's going to start destroying things.  I know part of this is my fault, that she likes to see that she can make me react, but even if I dole out a punishment calmly and without reacting, she still does it.

I'm trying to help her understand that there are consequences to her bad behavior.  Just talking and reasoning with her does not work.  She is 3, after all.  Any suggestions on how to do this? I must admit, she's at least getting better at apologizing after she's done something wrong. And I'm trying to show "an increase of love" afterwards.  I just need to find an effective way to help her to stop when she's done something wrong.  Any ideas? Anyone? Anyone?

The straw to break the camel's back

You know the old saying about "the straw that broke the camel's back?" I feel like that camel, except without that last straw.  Before having baby #5, I felt like life was fairly full, but I felt like I was keeping up on things.  The house was relatively clean, I was exercising, meals got prepared, etc. Well, baby #5 came and life has seemed to become even fuller. Weird how that happens, huh? Of course, this also coincided with tax season beginning. And, the new baby did spend 4 days in the hospital with RSV and a week attached to an oxygen tank at home.  I don't feel like life has completely fallen apart. Yet.

Have you ever had those times in life where you feel like you're barely keeping things under control? Where one more straw added on may be the last one?  Meals are prepared - most of the time. The house isn't a complete disaster - but please don't look at the kitchen floor. Or in the basement. Or under the kids' beds. Books aren't read to the kids as often. Exercising happens once or twice a week. You certainly aren't getting enough sleep. 

Having made it through 4 other new babies and 18 other tax seasons, I know this will eventually end.  And I'll make it through. Eventually.  But I'll be balancing life precariously for the next month. Or longer.