Scheduling my stress

There are plenty of things in life to stress about.  I won't list them all here, because that would just add more stress to see them all written down in one place.  This past month, I rediscovered one way for me to deal with that stress.  I say rediscovered, because this is something I use in personal finance instruction but forget to apply to the rest of my life. 

With 3 weeks left in tax season and a new baby, I was feeling more than a little bit overwhelmed.  Something had to give. There was no way I could get everything done.  I made a conscious decision to not exercise or worry about going to bed on time for those 3 weeks.  This was different than just not doing those things for 3 weeks.  If I had just not exercised, I would have felt guilty that I was supposed to be exercising and it was just one more thing I didn't have time to do.  I decided to just not stress about it.  I knew I would start up again after the deadline with exercising and trying to get to bed at a reasonable hour, but I wouldn't schedule to do it until then.  It was such a stress relief to not even worry about exercising when I woke up tired in the morning. For a lot of people, I know that probably seems like a basic principle, but for me it was kind of eye opening. 

In advising people in their personal finances, I will talk to people about setting up a debt reduction plan.  This involves putting a schedule in place to pay off debts one at a time.  It's a long road to pay off those debts sometimes, but if you're following a plan, you don't worry as much about the large sum and how it should be paid off today.  Instead, you know you're dealing with it and you have a schedule in place for when it will eventually happen. You can deal  with making this month's payments, rather than the full payoff. The same thing can apply to other personal stresses.

My husband is much better at scheduling his stress than I am.  I create task lists that show everything I need to get done for work.  Sometimes I look at that list and wonder how in the world I'll get all of those items done in the day.  My husband will instead schedule specific tasks to get done each day. He won't stress about the other tasks, because he knows he's scheduled them to get done on a different day. Let's hope I can keep relearning this principle and scheduling which things I will stress about on a given day instead of letting myself get overwhelmed with trying to accomplish everything all at once.

Cleaning house - inside and out.

My house is dirty.  Not completely cluttered, but dirty.  I can keep my front room fairly clutter free (usually by dumping all the toys unceremoniously in the basement), but it's been way too long since I've dusted in there.  And the bookshelf has a growing stack of papers that my children have brought home from church. One wrong bump and they all crash to the floor.  My dishes are put away most of the time in the kitchen, but don't open the laundry room door to see the giant, precarious stack on top of the dryer or on the shelf or items waiting to be donated to DI.  The floors are swept and vacuumed most of the time, but best to not carefully look at the linoleum and see the giant food stains that need to be mopped.

The superficial cleaning has been kept up okay, but it's been a while since I've done any deep cleaning. Pretty reflective of the rest of my life. It's fairly easy to do the superficial things in life that make me feel like I'm doing okay: going to church, reading scriptures, taking my children to the park.  It takes a lot more effort to do the deep inner cleaning: really worshipping God, studying the scriptures, praying to God and not just saying prayers, finding out what each of my children really need from me, actively looking for ways to help others each day. You get the idea. 

I'm not being hard on myself, just looking realistically at what I need to work on.  If you don't take an inventory every now in then of your house and what needs to be done to fix it, eventually things will break down. The same holds true with my life.  I always think of the quote from C.S. Lewis in "Mere Christianity" that says to imagine yourself as a living house. God starts knocking things around to build a palace, when we thought we were satisfied with a little cottage.  Sometimes it's best to not just wait for external circumstances to knock you around, but to be a little proactive and do some deep cleaning before it becomes inevitably urgent.  When I deep clean my house, I usually only do one thing each day or week and don't worry about doing it all at once.  Time to do the same with my life.

Spiraling disobedience

I have a 3 year old who I cannot punish.  I know that sounds weird.  When she does something she shouldn't, if I put her in time out or take things away, it just makes things worse.  She seems to spiral downhill more and more the more I try to punish her.  If she hits someone and I put her in timeout, she gets defiant and will then proceed to do something like rip a coloring page.  If I then tell her she loses her crayons, she'll find something else to do.  I frequently can't send her to her room if she's done something wrong, because I'm afraid she's going to start destroying things.  I know part of this is my fault, that she likes to see that she can make me react, but even if I dole out a punishment calmly and without reacting, she still does it.

I'm trying to help her understand that there are consequences to her bad behavior.  Just talking and reasoning with her does not work.  She is 3, after all.  Any suggestions on how to do this? I must admit, she's at least getting better at apologizing after she's done something wrong. And I'm trying to show "an increase of love" afterwards.  I just need to find an effective way to help her to stop when she's done something wrong.  Any ideas? Anyone? Anyone?

The straw to break the camel's back

You know the old saying about "the straw that broke the camel's back?" I feel like that camel, except without that last straw.  Before having baby #5, I felt like life was fairly full, but I felt like I was keeping up on things.  The house was relatively clean, I was exercising, meals got prepared, etc. Well, baby #5 came and life has seemed to become even fuller. Weird how that happens, huh? Of course, this also coincided with tax season beginning. And, the new baby did spend 4 days in the hospital with RSV and a week attached to an oxygen tank at home.  I don't feel like life has completely fallen apart. Yet.

Have you ever had those times in life where you feel like you're barely keeping things under control? Where one more straw added on may be the last one?  Meals are prepared - most of the time. The house isn't a complete disaster - but please don't look at the kitchen floor. Or in the basement. Or under the kids' beds. Books aren't read to the kids as often. Exercising happens once or twice a week. You certainly aren't getting enough sleep. 

Having made it through 4 other new babies and 18 other tax seasons, I know this will eventually end.  And I'll make it through. Eventually.  But I'll be balancing life precariously for the next month. Or longer.

First time fears

I did it. I ventured out with 5 kids in tow. This was not an easy feat. I had visions of my kids running wild through the store while the baby screamed & I had a meltdown. Sometimes the fear of trying something new is worse than the thing itself. But, I had to attempt it sometime. Thank goodness for these giant carts at Target. Everyone fit, and I even fit a few items in the cart as well.  I got some odd looks, and even maintained my sense of humor as the kids chanted/sang through half the store and while checking out. First time is always the hardest. I'm not going to say I "enjoyed" it, but at least I know I can do it.

Baby prep - Rest or Work?

I've been having a dilemma the past week or so.  My baby is due tomorrow.  I've spent most evenings the past week or so debating on how to spend my time.  Do I work or do I rest?  On one hand, I tell myself that I should sit and read and relax and enjoy the time I have before a new baby comes and fills in every gap of extra time I had.  On the other hand, I tell myself that I should get as much work done as possible before the new baby comes and fills in every gap of work time I had.  I confess that work has usually won.  One more night left of debating this. Do I work or do I relax?

Pregnancy preparation and paranoia

Preregistered at hospital for delivery - check
New car seats on order - check
New bunk beds setup - check
One package of newborn diapers - check
One can or infant formula - check
Baby car seat and pack & play accessible - check
Box of newborn clothes pulled out of storage - check
Almost done paying the OB/Gyn - check
Ready for baby to come in less than 3 weeks - no way.

With all of those items checked off, you'd think I was ready for baby #5 to join our family. I'm not.  It's not that I don't want this baby to join us, I'm just not quite emotionally prepared yet.  I live most of my 9-1/2 months of pregnancy in denial and paranoia. I've known far too many friends and family members who have miscarried or had stillborns, that until I hear that baby cry for the first time, I live in a bit of paranoia about what could go wrong. Maybe I'm missing out on some of the "joy" of pregnancy, but that is my reality. I'm just now reaching the physically uncomfortable stage where you're willing to go through labor & delivery to get past that.  Here's to hoping the next 3 weeks bring me less stress and more emotional preparedness and excitement!