I clearly remember the feeling of responsibility I had when I bought my first car. I signed all the documents and they then gave me the keys and I drove off. It seemed a little unreal to me that they were going to let me just take the car. I kept wondering if they were going to make me bring it back. I was so used to at least reporting back to my parents that I was taking the car somewhere, it seemed strange that it was all mine.
I had the same reaction when I bought my house. The numbers involved were much larger, but really I just signed some papers, they gave me a key, and it was mine. No worrying about a landlord or reporting back to anyone. The bank really seemed to think I was a responsible adult and that I was old enough to take care of a house by myself.
I remember having a similar feeling when I had my first child. Granted, I had spent 9 months carrying her around with me and "taking care" of her. But, when they checked me out of the hospital, I just took her with me and went home. No nurses at the house, no "adult" checking up on me to make sure I was doing everything right. I was supposed to be a responsible adult, and care for this little child. It was more than a little bit overwhelming. You'd think at 34 I was old enough to consider myself responsible, but I'm not sure anything can prepare you for that type of responsibility.
As I think about it, though, I don't "own" this child in the same sense that I "owned" my car or my house. She's on loan to me. She's God's child. I'm not really left alone with her. If something with her needs "repairing", I can always go to Him for help. He feels the responsibility I feel for taking care of her. He for some reason considers me a responsible adult capable of taking care of His child on a very long term basis. Knowing this makes me feel the responsibility even more, and at the same time comforts me in knowing I'm not alone in caring for a child.
Running Hills (Part Four)
1 week ago