Together as Women

It takes a lot to get me to blog again, but here goes.

I've been thinking a lot the past week or so about the scripture in 1 Corinthians 12, specifically verses 14-27:

"For the body is not one member, but many. If the foot shall say, Because I am not the hand, I am not of the body; is it therefore not of the body? And if the ear shall say, Because I am not the eye, I am not of the body; is it therefore not of the body? If the whole body were an eye, where were the hearing? If the whole were hearing, where were the smelling? But now hath God set the members every one of them in the body, as it hath pleased him. And if they were all one member, where were the body? But now are they many members, yet but one body. And the eye cannot say unto the hand, I have no need of thee: nor again the head to the feet, I have no need of you. Nay, much more those members of the body, which seem to be more feeble, are necessary: And those members of the body, which we think to be less honourable, upon these we bestow more abundant honour; and our uncomely parts have more abundant comeliness. For our comely parts have no need: but God hath tempered the body together, having given more abundant honour to that part which lacked: That there should be no schism in the body; but that the members should have the same care one for another. And whether one member suffer, all the members suffer with it; or one member be honoured, all the members rejoice with it. Now ye are the body of Christ, and members in particular."

I am blessed to know some incredible women in my life. I am also blessed to know how very different these women are from each other. And yet, they all have one thing in common. They each want to make the world a better place. They just all go about it in a different way.

I know women who marched last week for women's rights. I know women who have setup nonprofits to give children opportunities for service. I know women who are heavily involved in their neighborhood organizations and making sure the schools, traffic, construction, etc. are setup in the right way to keep their families and homes safe. I know women who tutor children. I know women who care for other women's children to give single moms a break. I know women who reach out to my children to care for them and be examples to them. I know women who help spread the joy of the arts in their communities. I know women who do their best to teach and raise their children to be good people.

It makes me sad to hear some women say, metaphorically, "Because you do not serve as I do to make the world a better place, you are not part of the body". We all have the same goal to help improve the world. We are all of the same body of women. Let there "no schism in the body" but let us "have the same care one for another".

Deliberate Parenting

School is out for the summer.  This means I'm reminded once again of how I have a tendency to get lazy in my parenting.  When one child is usually gone all day and another one is gone half the day, I just let the little ones play most of the morning without thinking too much about "parenting".  And when the older ones get home, we only have so much time to worry about things like homework and piano before I'm working on dinner or the evening's activities.  So, I guess it's not just laziness but more like just going with the flow and letting life happen.

School is out and now all 5 of my children are home all day long.  What to do?  As much as I love having free time for the kids to just play all day, I also know they need a little structure to go along with that.  I've had to do that annual soul searching of "What do I want to accomplish this summer?" or "What is it I want to do with my kids each day or have them remember about this summer?"

The summer goes by so quickly. I've been reminded of the need for deliberate parenting.  What do I want to teach my children?  What kind of person do I want them to be?  I can't just let them go completely undirected.  If I want them to enjoy reading, I need to make sure there is time to read and take them to the library to choose books.  If I want them to enjoy doing things outside, I need to make sure we go up the canyon or go to the park or have the opportunity to spend time outside.  If I want them to learn to help other people, I need to provide opportunities for them to do kind things for others.

I know this is something I need to work on year round, but summer is always a great opportunity for me to evaluate how I'm "parenting" my children and what I'm doing to help them become the wonderful people I'd like to see them become.

Emotional Bank Accounts

I finally read "Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" by Stephen Covey. (https://www.stephencovey.com/7habits/7habits.php I know.  I'm like 15 years behind the times here.  I learned a lot of great stuff in studying this book, but one of the ones I really like using in parenting is the concept of emotional bank accounts.

The idea I use in parenting is that we have an emotional bank account with each of our children.  We make deposits into and withdrawals from this account.  Each positive or good thing we do is a deposit.  Each negative thing is a withdrawal.  For some of my children, even a little negative item ("You need to clean your room") can be a large withdrawal.  I need to make sure I have made enough deposits into the account ("Thanks for being so good about always putting your backpack away"), so that there is a positive balance in the account.

Very accounting-ish, but what can I say.  It works for me to remember this and make sure I'm making more deposits.  There will be times when withdrawals have to be made and I don't want to overdraw my account and have it go negative. The fees can be quite hefty when that happens.

Cheerleader/Coach Parenting

I had one of those "out of body" experiences the other day.  And no, it had nothing to do with dying and seeing a bright light.  I saw myself being "that" mom.  The mom running up and down the sidelines at a sporting event, completely oblivious to everyone else.

My children have never played organized sports before.  My 8 year old, though, decided this year that she wanted to sign up for the Orem Track Club.  Random.  They each get to choose one activity each year, and that's what she chose. (After finding out the archery class was filled up).

We went to her first track meet, not really having any idea what to expect.  She is not a fast runner, so she came in last in most of her events, but she still finished with a smile each time.  Isn't that part of the reason we do these things, to enjoy ourselves, not just to win?

Anyway, we had some discussions about maybe trying some of the longer distances, even though they were for the older kids.  She does not come from a family history of sprinters. :) We decided the 800m (about 1/2 mile) might be better for her.  So, we mapped out how far that was around our neighborhood so she could practice.  She ran the first time in 6min 8 sec. (For perspective, an Olympic time is just under 2min).  The next week she ran it in 5min 33 sec.  She was so excited that she got faster. Her comment was, "I guess track really does help!"

Race day came and it was time for the 800m. It was near the end of the meet, and was only supposed to be for ages 11 and up, so we had talked about how because it was older kids and boys and girls combined, some of the kids might be really far ahead of her. She didn't care.  She still wanted to do it.

The race started, and she was, as expected, at the end by quite a bit after the first lap.  As she neared the last corner for the race, I ran down to meet her and cheer her on.  For the last straightaway, I found myself cheering for her ("Go, Catherine, Go!"), encouraging her ("You're almost there, you can do it!"), coaching her ("This is where you sprint!"), to help her make it to the finish line. I think I was almost as excited as her when she crossed the finish line.  She was elated to hear them say her time was 4min 48 sec.  Even though she was probably almost a minute behind most of the other kids, she had gotten even faster. She had worked hard and accomplished something.

I know I looked silly running alongside the bleachers and track yelling for her, but I didn't care.  I was there to be her #1 cheerleader.  It even caused some of the other parents to cheer for her (which happens with the last kid in a race a lot of times). I thought "Wow. I'm that mom being loud and almost obnoxious." But, isn't that kind of my job? Isn't it my job as a mom, not just at a track meet but in life, to run alongside my child cheering and coaching her? Not running the race for her-I can't do that-but encouraging and helping?

I also thought about how God treats us.  Isn't he our biggest cheerleader/coach? Doesn't he run alongside us cheering for us and giving us help/hints on how to succeed? I imagine the joy he must feel as he sees us work hard at something and succeed on our own.  I'd like to be "that" parent.

Becoming a responsible adult

I clearly remember the feeling of responsibility I had when I bought my first car.  I signed all the documents and they then gave me the keys and I drove off.  It seemed a little unreal to me that they were going to let me just take the car.  I kept wondering if they were going to make me bring it back. I was so used to at least reporting back to my parents that I was taking the car somewhere, it seemed strange that it was all mine.

I had the same reaction when I bought my house.  The numbers involved were much larger, but really I just signed some papers, they gave me a key, and it was mine.  No worrying about a landlord or reporting back to anyone.  The bank really seemed to think I was a responsible adult and that I was old enough to take care of a house by myself.

I remember having a similar feeling when I had my first child.  Granted, I had spent 9 months carrying her around with me and "taking care" of her.  But, when they checked me out of the hospital, I just took her with me and went home.  No nurses at the house, no "adult" checking up on me to make sure I was doing everything right.  I was supposed to be a responsible adult, and care for this little child. It was more than a little bit overwhelming.  You'd think at 34 I was old enough to consider myself responsible, but I'm not sure anything can prepare you for that type of responsibility.

As I think about it, though, I don't "own" this child in the same sense that I "owned" my car or my house.  She's on loan to me.  She's God's child.  I'm not really left alone with her.  If something with her needs "repairing", I can always go to Him for help.  He feels the responsibility I feel for taking care of her.  He for some reason considers me a responsible adult capable of taking care of His child on a very long term basis.  Knowing this makes me feel the responsibility even more, and at the same time comforts me in knowing I'm not alone in caring for a child.

Every morning is Christmas

We have a tradition in our family, that on Christmas morning all the children come into our room when they wake up.  They wait there until everyone is awake, and then we all go downstairs together to the front room to see what Santa has brought. Apparently this tradition has stuck because our children, when they wake up in the morning, on any day, come immediately into our room and don't seem to want to go downstairs until everyone is awake and ready to go down for breakfast.

We'll have 5 children rolling around on our bed or our floor, asking us over and over again "Can we go down and have breakfast now?" It doesn't matter how often we tell them "You can go downstairs anytime you want.  You don't have to wait for us." They seem to treat it like Christmas, where they can't go downstairs until everyone is ready and Mom and Dad say it's okay.

I have no doubt this is one of those things that when they are older I will miss.  Knowing that my children want to see me first thing when they wake up in the morning and that they want to be together.  It would be nice if they would occasionally wake up on a morning when I finally get to sleep in, and decide "I think I will go downstairs and play quietly by myself rather than waking Mom and Dad up and staying in their room until everyone is here." I have my doubts about whether this will ever happen, and I guess I'll miss it when it finally does.

This motherhood stuff can be hard work

So, I came to a realization this week that this motherhood stuff can be hard work. Not that it always is, but it certainly can be.  I know. 5 children later and I'm just realizing this?

School got out for the summer this week. Really that means my 7 year old is now home all day with her 4 younger siblings.  Not that much of a change really. I decided I didn't want her to forget everything she's learned in 1st grade (although I'm pretty doubtful that could really happen, especially since she loves to read), so I decided to do "summer school" for all the kids. After quiet time each day (have I mentioned how much I love quiet time?), the kids get out their "journals". My 7 year old's is lined paper where she just has to write 4 sentences or so. The 5 year old draws a picture and tries to write about the picture.  The 4 year old draws a picture and I write what she tells me about it. The 2 year old scribbles all over a blank page and throws the crayons all over the place. I'm giving the 4 month old a reprieve from school. After journals, we do one activity for the day and the 2 older ones then practice their piano.  Monday we did handwriting/practicing letters, Tuesday was a math worksheet for each one, Wednesday we did an art project, Thursday we did a science experiment, and Friday we talked about a "social studies" topic.

We really only spend maybe 30 minutes tops on all of this, but man, it was hard work.  I'm a wimp, I know.  I gained even greater respect for my friends and family who homeschool their children.  I understand that usually they have a pre-set curriculum they follow, and their kids are probably a little bit older, but still.  Hard work.

One of the things I realized as I do this, is that I don't take very much time to be "actively involved" in my childrens' learning.  That doesn't mean I'm not teaching them.  I am.  But I don't think very much about what I want to teach them and how I should teach them.  I think I've been missing out a little bit.  I'm pretty good at letting them just play (which I think is also pretty darn important), and hoping I can get something done, like maybe sweep the floor, while everyone is occupied and getting along.  Managing the chaos can be hard, but it's not a purposefully difficult task.  It can be pretty easy to just let my children manage their own learning or let someone else teach them.  I'm not sure that's really want I want, though.  I've realized I need to spend some time deciding "What things do I want my children to learn and know" and then plan on what I'm going to do to help them learn this. Hard work. But so worth it.

Pop Music Suggestions

It finally happened.  My 7 year old discovered pop music. 

My children are pretty familiar with a diverse range of music.  They listen to opera, classical, showtunes, religious music, Doo-wop, and kids' music.  But we don't listen to much pop music.  I confess that if the music/singer came around in the past 20 years, I'm probably not too familiar with it.  I'm old.  I know.  Even in high school, I listened to classic rock as much as I listened to pop music.  I can name a couple of popular singers/groups these days, but I can't usually match the names with music I may hear on the radio.

My 7 year old has done karaoke in her music class at school a couple of times, and frequently the kids will choose artists like Taylor Swift or Katy Perry or One Direction to sing.  My daughter has decided she really likes Taylor Swift.  Part of this is because she can understand lyrics like "She wears high heels, I wear sneakers" or "I hate that stupid old pickup truck".

I decided I would help her out by checking out some CDs from the library for her to listen to.  All the Taylor Swift CDs were checked out, so we got two "Now That's Music" CDs that had a Taylor Swift song on them.  I'm not sure I can adequately express my shock at the album covers that they had inside the CDs showing all the artists on the compilation. Half of them looked like the type of pictures you used to only find covered up behind the counter at 7-Eleven when I was growing up.  Once again, yes, I know I'm old.  Most of the music on the CDs also all sounded the same to me, and the lyrics weren't all that great.  My daughter also discovered that she could pull up Pandora on the computer and listen to a Taylor Swift station, where they show the lyrics to a lot of the songs so she can sing along.

So, here's my dilemma.  I have no idea what artists/singers/groups I should have my 7 year old listen to.  I'm one of those out of touch moms. I have no problem with my daughter listening to appropriate pop music, I just don't know which way to steer her.  So, I'm asking for suggestions.  Anyone have any ideas of music my daughter would like that I wouldn't be embarrassed for her to read the lyrics and sing along with? Any help would be appreciated so that my child knows more than the music from 1960's Broadway shows.

Thanks to mothers

"When I grow up, I want to be a mother, and have a family. 1 little, 2 little, 3 little babies of my own..."  When I was a little girl, this song by Janeen Brady was one of my favorite songs.  If you asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would tell you I wanted to be a mom.  I had other things I would say I wanted to be, but always a mom.  Even in high school, I remember having a conversation with friends asking what we wanted to study in college and be "when we grew up".  I told them I wanted to be a mom.  They kept saying, "But what do you really want to be?" My answer was "a mom".  I still planned on getting a Masters degree in Accounting and probably working as a CPA, but I really wanted to be a mom. 

Time went on, I graduated with my Masters in Accounting and started working as a CPA.  By the time I was 32 or 33 and still single, I started thinking maybe I wasn't ever going to get married and have children of my own.  I remember hearing and reading talks, like this one from Sheri Dew, that helped me realize that I can still be a mother figure to others.  I was also blessed to have a wonderful Great Aunt, Aunt Gladys, who never married or had children of her own but truly is the greatest Aunt ever to all her nieces, nephews, great-nieces, and great-nephews.  I thought, "If I can't be a mother, than I can be the world's greatest aunt like Aunt Gladys".  I still had that great desire to be a mom, but figured maybe it wasn't going to happen for me.

Then I met my husband.  I fell in love with him almost immediately, we were married 6 months after we met, I was pregnant a year after we met, and less than two years after we met we had our first child.  I was a mom.  And it was hard. And wonderful.  I remember thinking, "I'm not really young anymore, maybe this is it.  One child. I have my chance to be a mom and I'm grateful for it."  Well, here I am 7 years later and the mom of 5 children.  I'm a mom.  And sometimes I'm still a little amazed by it.  I'm grateful for the chance I have to be a mom and all it teaches me.  I don't know why God chose to give me this responsibility and opportunity, but I'm thankful for it.  I have plenty of friends who have not had the opportunity to become mothers yet who I know would do an amazing job being moms.  Maybe that gives me a little more sense of the responsibility and a little more gratitude for the opportunity. 

For whatever reason, I'm now a mom.  I love it.  My children at times are loud, obnoxious and drive me crazy.  Or other times, like today at church when my 5 year old wants to climb on my lap and sing the hymns with me as I point to each word, or as my 7 year old gives me a tote she decorated herself to give to me for Mother's Day, I'm overwhelmed with the love I feel for my children.  I think of the words by Robert Louis Stevenson "Thanks to our Father, we will bring. For he gives us ev'rything."

Thanks to a loving God who has given me the opportunity and responsibility to be a mother.
Thanks to my husband who helps me be the best mom I can be and without whom I would not be a mother.
Thanks to my own mother and her amazing example of selfless service and how to be a mother.
Thanks to my sisters and their examples of motherhood shared with me even before I became a mother, and for letting me "mother" their children before I had my own children.
Thanks to my sisters-in-law for mothering children with my brothers.
Thanks to my friends at church and in my neighborhood who help to be mothers to my children and set such great examples to me.
Thanks to my friends who are not yet mothers and yet care for my children as they would their own.
Thanks to my children for allowing me to be their mother and for learning with me as we go.

To finish in the words of the song "When I grow up, if I can be a mother, how happy I will be. 4 little 5 little 6 little blessings of my own."

Courageous Parenting

I just saw this quote again after a while and was reminded of the wisdom in it.

Love this. I will be courageous.

Confidence in motherhoood

I have confidence in motherhood.  I don't remember when I arrived at this point, but I know it wasn't when I had my first baby.  I think that may have been one of the many reasons why I had such a hard time when I had my first child.  My confidence was shattered.  I was humbled.  I was so used to knowing what to do and how to do it, and it was extremely difficult to admit that in many ways I had no idea how to be a mom and take care of my new baby. 

I've probably mentioned this before, but some of the best parenting advice I ever received was from one of my sisters, who had 5 children already when I had my first.  She told me, "Trust your instincts.  You're the mom. You will know what's best for your child."  I had read too many books from "experts" and wanted them to tell me exactly what to do for my child.  I had to come to a point where I realized I could receive inspiration for my specific child, and that maybe my instincts would not agree with what a parenting book told me.

I look at new moms and see their fumbling with their babies and I can relate and also know that I have finally passed that stage. Every parent is different.  And every child is different.  It's wonderful to get to a point where you feel like you know how to care for your child specifically.  Not that there aren't those many moments of "I have no idea how to deal with this child." But there is a confidence that comes in knowing that you love your child and can care for them adequately. Let them bring on all their problems.  I'll do better than my best.  I have confidence in me.

You're my best friend

"You're my best friend, Mom."  "You're my best friend in the whole world, Dad."  Aren't these words you love to hear from one of your children.  Granted, it's from a 2 year old and sometimes her stuffed puppy is her "best friend ever". But still, it warms your heart to hear it.  Maybe I can remind her of this when she's a teenager and Mom and Dad don't seem like her best friends.  Even better, perhaps I can record it and play it in a repeating loop while she's sleeping after she reaches those teenage years.  I'll take it while I can.

Missing my Hubby

My husband has been out of town for 4 days.  Not a long time, in the grand scheme of things, I know.  (Kudos to all you single moms and those with husbands gone for extended periods of time.)  I've come to realize several things as he goes out of town every couple of months.

1 - I can watch movies like "High School Musical" with my kids without making my hubby suffer through them.
2 - We can eat Tuna Salad or Bean Burritos for dinner. (No real meat for a quick main dish, which is good considering there's no one to help corral or entertain the kids while I'm making dinner).
3 - There's no running or biking in the early mornings to exercise.  (I'm pretty sure DCFS would be all over that if I left my little kids home alone for 30 minutes.)
4 - Bedtime always takes longer when there's only 1 parent.
5 - I miss my husband terribly.

I've learned that the days go pretty much the same as always when my husband's out of town.  He's usually at work then anyway.  Even the evenings are not always that different, as he is gone at least one night a week for meetings.  I don't necessarily miss the extra help or break; I just miss him.  I miss his companionship after the kids are all asleep in bed and I have an hour or two to myself.  I can certainly be productive during that time, but it sure isn't as fun. When he gets back late tonight, I'll have to refrain from singing "I'm So Glad When Daddy Comes Home."  It's a great reminder to me of how much I love my husband and enjoy spending time with him.

Family night chaos

Every Monday night our family has Family Home Evening. I completely understand how important it is for our family to develop this tradition of putting other things aside and spending time together as a family.  And about every other week I wonder how effective it really is and whether it's worth it.  Here's a sample of how it went at our house this evening.

By the time we finally finished dinner & treats (we have those before we start), there were about 20 minutes until bedtime.  We all sat down on the couches together, except for the baby who was on the floor making noise.  The 2 year old had been having a fit, so the only thing that made her happy was if we gave her the little American flag to hold that has been perched on top of the bookshelf since July.  This, of course, required that the 3 year old and 5 year old have their flags also. The 3 year old was in charge of music, so we sang Popcorn Popping, with flags waving.  Our 5 year old gave an opening prayer. 

Our 5 year old was supposed to be in charge of sharing a family history story.  She decided she wanted to just talk about families.  It went something like this: "Families should have family home evening.  Some families have gardens with lots of flowers.  Some families have dogs.  [I'm going to talk about the year]. Some families go sledding together."  While this was going on, I was in between 2 children waving flags, trying desperately not to be poked in the head.  Dad gave a lesson then on Jacob & his sons (Joseph, etc.), talking about how we should be nice to others even if they are not nice to us. (A timely lesson considering the amount of fighting going on in our house lately). The older 2 children are listening and giving examples of people doing mean things, while the 2 year old wanders and I have to pick up the baby who is yelling, so that he can be fed.  This lesson was repeatedly interrupted with me saying "No fencing with the flags". This was followed by a closing song of "I Hope They Call Me on a Mission" and a closing prayer and a 10 minute game of Hide and Seek.  Topped off, of course, with some fighting and whining as we head upstairs for bedtime.

I understand that really the consistency is what is key and is what our children will remember, more than whatever is taught in a lesson.  But, wow, sometimes it's easy to see why so many families don't take the time to spend time in a confined space together on a weekly basis.

Sleep deprivation math

We went camping last weekend, and so of course my children were awake until about 11 pm.  This is long past their normal bedtime of 7 pm (where most of them are asleep by 8 pm).  You would think that after coming home and having one good night's rest, that somehow this would equal out and they would be back to normal.  I've found that it almost always takes 2 good nights of sleep, though, to make up for every 1 late night.  And it's not just my children.  I think I have this same problem.  I'm never as tired the morning after a late night as I am the following day, as if there's a one day lag.

I started calculating what this means for catching up for sleep in my lifetime, if I have to have 2 good nights' sleep to make up for every 1 bad night of sleep.  I pretty sure I went through 4 years of high school and 5 years of college without many good nights' sleep.  So, 9 years x 2 to make up for it, would mean I would need 18 years of good sleep.  Maybe the first 13 years of my life I slept pretty good, so that gets me pretty close.  Then we get to starting to raise a family.  We can rule out about 6 months of each pregnancy x 4 children, so there's another 2 years.  Oh, and then there's the first 3 months of having a new child when you're up in the middle of the night regularly, x 4, so there's another 1 year.  That's 3 years, so I'll need another 6 years to make up for that.  I'm pretty sure that's not going to happen until all my children are older and done with night terrors, bad dreams, etc.  Oh, but wait, then there's are those teenage years when I'm up worrying about my children or waiting for them to come home at night. 

I've decided I should probably stop calculating it all and just go to sleep.  Apparently I need all the good nights' sleep I can get.

Forgetfulness

I always thought being pregnant made you forgetful.  I think having 4 children has the same effect, even if you're not pregnant.  I can't even really blame it on sleep deprivation, as my baby sleeps from 8:15 pm until 5:30-6:30am. 

Someone looked at my baby the other day and asked me "What's your little boy's name?" My automatic reaction was "David".  Then I thought a second and said, "Wait. No it's not.  His name's John".  Besides not being used to telling people my baby's name, he's my "baby", not my "little boy".  My "little boy" is 3 years old.

I also now find myself counting children when I'm out and about.  I'm pretty sure it's just a matter of time before I leave one of them somewhere.  We've started having a roll call when we get in the car, to make sure they're all there.

So, if you ask me a question sometime and I just give you a blank stare, know that I've just forgotten whatever the answer is, or even that you just asked me a question.  Catch up with me in another 20 years or so, and I may start remembering things then.

How'd we get here?

This morning at breakfast I had one of those moments where you just look around you and think "How'd we get here?" I was sitting at my kitchen table eating a pancake breakfast.  My husband was seated across from me.  My 5 year old daughter was also across from me dipping her pancakes generously in syrup as it strung from her plate to her mouth.  My 3 year old son was next to me gobbling his pancakes down like he hadn't eaten for days.  My 2 year old daughter was under the table, incredibly sticky, saying "teeter totter, teeter totter" as she tried to balance on the table legs.  My 2 month old baby was sitting behind me on the counter in a bouncy chair crying because he wasn't being held while we were all sitting at the table eating.  The noise level was amazing, especially for 8:30 am. 

I looked around me and thought, "Wow.  How'd we get here?"  Seven years ago I would have been sitting at this same table by myself quietly reading the newspaper as I ate my Cheerios for breakfast.  Now, here I was sitting there with a husband and 4 children.  I assure you I know the mechanics of how I got to that point.  It was just one of those moments where you realize how blessed you are and how quickly time passes.

Who's in charge?

I keep getting asked by my 5 year old - "Are you in charge of me?"  This has many variations such as "Are you in charge of what I eat?" or "Are you in charge of what I wear?" or "Are you in charge of my stuffed animals?" Keep in mind that these are not innocently asked or deep-searching questions.  They usually follow my telling her to do something like eat her meal or get dressed or clean up.  I kept telling her, "Yes, I am in charge of that", until she started asking me questions that I had to answer with no, such as "No, I'm not in charge of what crayon color you should use".  My husband and I finally came up with a standardized answer that satisfies us, and stumps her.  We now say "No, I'm not in charge of whether you do that or not. But, I am in charge of the consequences from what you choose".  It seemed like a good way to teach agency and responsibility, and really, it just seems to have made her stop asking quite so often.

Those magic moments

You gotta love those magic moments.  The ones that make your heart kind of melt and remind you how much you love your family and how thankful you are for them.  Here are some of them for me.

-Coming into the bedroom after walking/exercising early in the morning to see all 3 kids sitting with my husband as they wake up.
-Having my 3 year old boy wrap his arms around my pregnant belly and tell me he's giving his Baby Brother a hug.
-My 5 year old saying she has a surprise for me downstairs, dreading what I'll see, and finding out she cleaned up the basement without being asked.
-Seeing my husband reading to all the kids on the couch.
-Giant spontaneous hugs from my almost 2 yr old.
-Hearing all my children laughing, yelling and playing chase together without fighting.

Those are the kind of moments that make it all worth it.  What are some of yours?

Butter and Honey

Isaiah 7:15 Butter and honey shall he eat, that he may know to refuse the evil, and choose the good.

I was reading the other day in Isaiah, and this verse stood out to me as a great parenting scripture. Isn't being a good parent all about providing good experiences for your children (butter and honey, so to speak)? When you've gotten used to eating top quality food, it's hard to go back to generic mac & cheese on a daily basis.  Wouldn't it be wonderful if our children are so used to being surrounded by good people and good environments and experiences, that when they are confronted with evil, they automatically refuse it and choose the good instead? We can't force our children to choose good, but we can certainly do our best to make sure they know what is truly good so that the differences are obvious.  That can be a good goal for me - to ask myself each day, "What good thing can I expose my child to today?"