Color blindness

When I look at my growing up experiences, I've always thought of myself as growing up "color blind". Meaning, I had friends of all kinds of nationalities and races, but they never really seemed that different to me.  I kind of patted myself on the back for not really thinking my friends whose parents were from Korea were any different than my friends who were half-Puerto Rican or African-American.  This kind of goes along with the idea of America being a giant melting pot. (Too much Schoolhouse Rock as a kid, I know).

As I've gotten older and looked at it and tried to teach my children, I've realized I've kind of missed out. I've had Jewish friends, Iranian friends, and Indian friends, but by trying to treat them all the same, I really missed out on understanding who they were and learning more about their cultures.  My kids will make a comment about someone like "They have a brown face and black hair", and I'll say "Yep. They do.  And you have blonde hair.  Everybody has different color skin and hair, don't they?" Really, though, isn't it okay to acknowledge that someone is different and say, we should learn more about the country Venezuela where our neighbor just moved from, rather than just saying, we're all the same? I guess that's the idea of America being more like a giant beef stew rather than a melting pot.

I don't want my children to be rascist by any means, but I think that if we learn a little more about each other and where we came from, there's a lot more understanding and appreciation for differences rather than just being completely color blind.

BFFs

I never really had a BFF.  I had lots of good friends growing up, but I was never really a "best friend" type of person.  I was always more comfortable with having lots of different friends, even if we weren't really that close, than I was with having a "best" friend.  Part of this has to do with the fact that I switched schools several times growing up.  I switched in 3rd grade, and luckily 2 of my friends switched along with me.  I switched again in 7th grade, going back to school with some of those from 1st and 2nd grade.  However, my junior high was shutdown after 7th grade, so I ended up back with friends from 3rd-6th grade.  The school boundaries then changed, but I wanted to stay at the same school as my older siblings, so once again, I switched back to friends from 7th grade. This also means that my neighborhood friends went to the new high school. And, last but not least, my parents moved right before my junior year of high school, so my neighbors/church friends changed, but I got to stay at the same high school.  Of course, amidst all of this, other kids were moving in and out of my schools, and high school brought along friends that had gone to a different "feeder" school that I had never met.

I contrast this a bit with my husband's schooling experience.  I'm pretty sure that almost everyone that went to his elementary school also went to the same junior high and then the same high school together.  In fact, I don't think there was a 2nd junior high, so really, it was mostly the exact same group of kids that went to school together from 1st through 12th grade.  Wow.

Now that I've reconnected with friends from high school, junior high, and even elementary school on Facebook, sometimes I'm a little jealous when I read their comments about knowing each other's families or funny things from their early childhood they experienced together.  I don't really get it.  There are very few people in my life that were consistently around for my entire childhood.  One more reason to be thankful for a family of 6 children, where my brothers and sisters were always there and could be my "best friends".

I started thinking about this when I went to an assembly for my 2nd grader.  All the 2nd grade classes put on a Folk Song Festival.  My 2nd grader has a "best friend".  Actually, I think sometimes they fight as much as they get along, but she's still her "best friend".  I looked at all of those kids there lined up in classes and realized that, if we didn't move and lots of those kids stuck around, they could really end up going to all of elementary school, junior high and high school together.  That's such a foreign concept to me.  Having the same good friend consistently for 12 years.  Wow.  I have an older sister that experienced that, but not me. One more thing I will learn from my children, I guess: How to keep a consistent friendship going through all that life throws at you throughout your childhood and teenage years. How to be and have a BFF.

Zoning out - kid style

We all need time to zone out every once in a while.  You know, when you're brain dead, and feel like you want to just sit on the couch and stare at the wall for an hour - preferably in silence, which isn't going to happen when you have kids around.

I've learned that kids need this sometimes, too.  My kids have learned to say "I need my alone time", when they just need some space and quiet to unwind.  Or, sometimes I tell them to go have some alone time, when the fighting has reached too high of a level.  My 4 year old will play Barbies by herself for alone time.  My 5 year old will do Legos.  My 7 year old will usually go read.  A few weeks ago, though, my 7 year old, pulled out Bop-It for her alone time.  I wasn't as happy with that, and not just because it's an obnoxious game.

I confess that video/computer games scare me a little.  Not because I think there's anything inherently wrong with them.  We mainly don't have them because my kids are little and I think it's easier and better for them to play games together or that involve them using their creativity.  And, I have a fear of turning my children into Zombies who don't know how to entertain themselves.  As my 7 year old sat and played Bop-It for her alone time, I could totally see her zoning out.  I know it's okay to zone out every now and then, but I think that addictive behaviors sometimes start because we need to zone out and we're looking for something that doesn't require our mind to think.

I know.  I sound completely paranoid as if my 7 year old is going to be an addict to something because she plays Bop-It.  That's not really it.  It just made me think about teaching my children to zone out productively, if that makes sense.  I'd much rather they sit and read or play music or draw when they need to zone out rather than rely on electronics.  I know that for me, it's much more refreshing to zone out by playing the piano or reading a book, than watching TV or going through Facebook. What do you think? Am I being paranoid? Or is there really such a thing as teaching children to productively zone out?

Panic attack

I just read this article by Jason Wright in the Deseret News yesterday and I had to nod my head in agreement. I had heard people talk about having anxiety issues or panic attacks, and I kind of had the same attitude of "just get over it and be brave". That is, until I had my first panic episode.  Apparently, it's not uncommon to have panic attacks when you're pregnant.  I didn't know that.  It had never happened to me until I was pregnant with child number 5.  I just assumed they were talking about the stress you feel in having a baby and how that kind of freaks you out. I didn't realize it meant, in my case, flying on an airplane when 5 months pregnant and feeling claustrophobic to the point that you felt like you couldn't breathe and had to get out. Needless to say, you can't really do that at 30,000 feet.

My apologies to anyone who has had anxiety attacks before and had someone like me who just smiled and nodded without really appreciating what that means.  I spent most of a 4 hour flight standing in the back aisle of an airplane. The thought of sitting in that little space between two people was more than I could stomach.  Literally.  I had another panic attack shortly after the baby was born.  This one happened at home late at night, but it was so bad that I really felt like I couldn't breathe.  I couldn't make the air go into my lungs and I thought I was going to die.  It was very real. It was not just a "Boy, I'm feeling a little overwhelmed at the moment." Happy to say I haven't had to deal with it since then.  But to all of you who deal with this or have family members who deal with it on a regular basis, you have my complete sympathy. Wish I could do more to help. Maybe understanding is enough for now.

Counting kids

I find myself constantly counting kids these days.  And it's not just to make sure all of them are there.  Really, it's more to make sure the correct number of kids are there at the right time.

Going to church: 5 kids all here?
Picking up from kindergarten: 5 kids - 1 still in school + 2 extra ones to take home = 4 kids
Taking to preschool: 5 kids - 2 at school = 3 kids
Picking up from preschool: 5 kids - 2 at school - 1 at preschool = 2 kids
Coming home from mommy mingle at the park: 5 kids - 1 at school = 4 kids

It's no wonder I get confused sometimes. During the summer, it's easy to always do a roll call in the car and have 5. We do almost everything together.  School has started, and I'm pretty sure it's only a matter of time before I forget a child. Or two.  I used to think counting kids was just a sign that maybe you should have another child (which is a post for another day). Now I realize it's a matter of making sure you have the right kids.

Caught in a lie

We've been a having a little honesty problem around our house lately.  Nothing big.  Just little white lies.
"Go brush your teeth."
"I did."
I feel the toothbrush, and it's completely dry.  No teeth have been brushed.
Well, the other day, we have actual video/camera evidence of a lie. It was a little embarrassing for the kids.
I was out running/going to the grocery store early on a Saturday morning.  Dad slept in a little, which means the kids were left to their own devices. When I came home, the 7 and 5 year old promptly tell me that the 4 year old has been eating candy.
"She stole some candy!"
"What?"
"She stole some candy and was eating it downstairs!"
"What candy?"
"Dad's candy bars. [For his lunches]. She had a Crunch bar. And a 100 Grand."
"Where are the wrappers?"
"They're downstairs."
Meanwhile, the 4 year old is protesting, "I did not! They ate some too!"
While the 5 and 7 year old are strongly denying eating any.
It sounds so neat when you write it down like that, but really, it involves 3 children yelling, accusing, and denying simultaneously.  I wish I could have taped the chaos to truly describe it. They bring up wrappers for 2 Crunch bars, a half eaten Crunch bar, a partially eaten 100 Grand, an open bag of peanut M&Ms and a bag of chocolate covered caramels. Needless to say, the treats have now been hidden and the 4 year old doesn't get any treats for the rest of the week.

Later that day, we found the camera hidden under the bed in our room.  The 7 year old just recently learned that she can take pictures and video by herself. Here's what we found in reviewing the tape:

By the way, this is the 5 year old, not the 4 year old.  One who vehemently denied eating any of the candy and blamed it on his 4 year old sister.  Obviously, the thought that Mom and Dad may actually look at the pictures never entered his mind.  It's actually a great shot taken by the 7 year old.

And there's more. Like I said, the 7 year old also learned how to take videos on the camera. Kind of.

Needless to say, I don't think there will be so much playing with the camera.  Certainly not when kids are doing something they shouldn't. As for the lying, I'm not sure this will stop that.

Stress dreams

Growing up, my nightmares/stress dreams seemed to revolve around school.  They usual involved my showing up at school and not being able to remember my locker combination, forgetting what class was next on my schedule, or having to take a test in a class where I hadn't attended all year.  Of course, there was the random show up to school naked dream, but really it was mostly not remembering something I should have remembered.

When I finished college and moved on to the working world, I would still occasionally have the school stress dream.  However, I also started having spy dreams.  I'm pretty sure this has something to do with watching to much "Alias", but I seemed to do a lot of running from people that were trying to shoot or kill me.  I was a pretty good spy, though, so I usually was fairly indestructible in a Sydney Bristow/Jack Bauer fashion.

When I left my overtime-working accounting job, I went to work substituting at the elementary schools, along with other things.  My stress dreams during this time period usually involved having to substitute for a sixth grade class of hellions, or the dreams had something to do with showing up at my old accounting job to work part-time or just for tax season.  I always knew, waking up from one of these dreams, that I must be stressed about something.

Enter parenthood.  Rarely do I have the locker/school dreams any more.  It's been a long time since I've had a spy dream. I kind of miss those. I don't usually dream about my old jobs anymore, either.  My dreams not revolve around my family.  But not always in a happy way.  They usually have to do with children waking up at 5 am and trashing the house; or extended family members descending upon my house at 6 am looking for food.  Or having a child get lost or drowning in the bathtub.  Apparently these are the things I now stress about subconsciously.

How about you? What are your stress dreams? Do they in any way reflect your true life and stresses?