Deliberate Parenting

School is out for the summer.  This means I'm reminded once again of how I have a tendency to get lazy in my parenting.  When one child is usually gone all day and another one is gone half the day, I just let the little ones play most of the morning without thinking too much about "parenting".  And when the older ones get home, we only have so much time to worry about things like homework and piano before I'm working on dinner or the evening's activities.  So, I guess it's not just laziness but more like just going with the flow and letting life happen.

School is out and now all 5 of my children are home all day long.  What to do?  As much as I love having free time for the kids to just play all day, I also know they need a little structure to go along with that.  I've had to do that annual soul searching of "What do I want to accomplish this summer?" or "What is it I want to do with my kids each day or have them remember about this summer?"

The summer goes by so quickly. I've been reminded of the need for deliberate parenting.  What do I want to teach my children?  What kind of person do I want them to be?  I can't just let them go completely undirected.  If I want them to enjoy reading, I need to make sure there is time to read and take them to the library to choose books.  If I want them to enjoy doing things outside, I need to make sure we go up the canyon or go to the park or have the opportunity to spend time outside.  If I want them to learn to help other people, I need to provide opportunities for them to do kind things for others.

I know this is something I need to work on year round, but summer is always a great opportunity for me to evaluate how I'm "parenting" my children and what I'm doing to help them become the wonderful people I'd like to see them become.

Feeling like a good mom

I had a moment yesterday where I felt like a good mom.  I know.  I should feel like that a lot, but to be honest, it's easier sometimes to remember the times when I feel like a bad mom. It was 60 degrees outside, but I had to run some errands.  So, I piled the kids in the car to run to the bank and stop by the library for my daughter to run in and get her book on hold.  I then made an impulsive decision to just go to a random park to play, rather than bringing everyone home to play outside our house.  I just googled on my phone to find the closest park to the library and we went and played for an hour.

It was awesome.  Everyone had fun and I wasn't worried about checking the phone or being home getting dinner ready (thank goodness for leftovers). It was just a beautiful day at the park.  I looked at all of my kids being happy and having fun and thought "Look at these happy kids.  I'm a good mom for bringing them here." A moment of positive affirmation.  I think that sometimes as moms we need more of those.  And I think that sometimes God just gives us those moments to remind us that we're doing okay. I'll take those when I can get them and try to remember them in those moments when kids are yelling at each other or me and I'm not feeling like such a great mom.

Stress dreams

Growing up, my nightmares/stress dreams seemed to revolve around school.  They usual involved my showing up at school and not being able to remember my locker combination, forgetting what class was next on my schedule, or having to take a test in a class where I hadn't attended all year.  Of course, there was the random show up to school naked dream, but really it was mostly not remembering something I should have remembered.

When I finished college and moved on to the working world, I would still occasionally have the school stress dream.  However, I also started having spy dreams.  I'm pretty sure this has something to do with watching to much "Alias", but I seemed to do a lot of running from people that were trying to shoot or kill me.  I was a pretty good spy, though, so I usually was fairly indestructible in a Sydney Bristow/Jack Bauer fashion.

When I left my overtime-working accounting job, I went to work substituting at the elementary schools, along with other things.  My stress dreams during this time period usually involved having to substitute for a sixth grade class of hellions, or the dreams had something to do with showing up at my old accounting job to work part-time or just for tax season.  I always knew, waking up from one of these dreams, that I must be stressed about something.

Enter parenthood.  Rarely do I have the locker/school dreams any more.  It's been a long time since I've had a spy dream. I kind of miss those. I don't usually dream about my old jobs anymore, either.  My dreams not revolve around my family.  But not always in a happy way.  They usually have to do with children waking up at 5 am and trashing the house; or extended family members descending upon my house at 6 am looking for food.  Or having a child get lost or drowning in the bathtub.  Apparently these are the things I now stress about subconsciously.

How about you? What are your stress dreams? Do they in any way reflect your true life and stresses?

Remember when...

Remember when...

You thought it was difficult to take your one child in a car seat to the grocery store
You could sit and quietly read as you constantly fed your first baby
Your child's pants didn't yet have holes in the knees
The nurses and doctors in the delivery room didn't quite respect your opinions
You worried when your baby got a runny nose
You made sure to keep the entire house quiet when the baby was taking a nap
You could fit other people in your car with your family
Your child watched Baby Einstein videos instead of Superhero Squad
You took 10 minute videos of your child breathing/smiling/giggling
You didn't have a routine
You could stay home all day when your child was sick
You wondered who really bought applesauce or bread or milk in bulk
You made sure your child's hands and face were always clean
When a toy/bottle/pacifier dropped on the ground, you took it home and sterilized it
Your crib didn't have teeth marks on the railings
Your stroller/high chair/exersaucer didn't have any stains/spills on it
You could own a white couch
You could sleep in if the baby had a rough night
Your house was quiet at times
You thought your sister's children were loud
You didn't understand the magical quiet of library day
You had time to iron and owned clothes that needed ironing
You could follow the advice of napping when your baby napped
People didn't even really notice when you walked into a store
You had time to completely fill out a baby book and document everything
You had a cute scrapbook for your baby instead of unprinted pictures on the computer

Remember when you didn't understand that the more children you have, the crazier life gets, but the more love that fills your heart and your house?

Repetitive phrases

There are certain repetitive phrases from my childhood that I still hear in my head. To this day, if I'm running around in my socks, I'll hear in my head "Either put your shoes on, or take your socks off". When my children ask "What's for dinner?" I respond as my mom did by saying "Pickled pigs feet and sauerkraut." There are other phrases I repeat to my children, that I wonder if 40 years down the road, they'll still hear in their heads. Phrases like the following:

"Shoes and coats!" "Hair and teeth!" "Wipe, flush, wash your hands."

Or these:

To my 7 year old: "Coat, shoes, backpack away." "Feet down." "Stop shoveling your food."

To my 5 year old: "Sit on your bum. No perching." "Don't throw a fit. Just ask for help."

To my 4 year old: "Just be patient." "Do you have any underwear on?" [Really. I say this one quite a lot.]

To my 2 year old: "Don't throw [insert an object here]." "Where are your pants?"

To my baby: "Read a book, sing a song, take a nap." "Double duty diaper duty!" [This is when I'm changing two kids at once. Which happens frequently."

Most importantly, though, I hope that 40 years down the road they still hear in their heads "I love you!"

The Joy of Aunthood

I love being an aunt! Don't get me wrong. I really love being a mom, too.  But, I've been an aunt a lot longer than I've been a mom.  I love that before I got married, when I was "the single one" in the family, I got to travel all over the country and spend time with my nieces & nephews (and their parents).  I love being called Aunt Christie almost as much as I love being called Mom.  I always heard that to be successful, a child needs the influence of an adult in their life outside of their parents.  I figure that's what aunts and uncles are for.  I take almost as much pride in the accomplishments of my nieces and nephews as I do my own children.  Hooray for being an aunt!

Re-Creating Christmases Past

Christmas isn't really about the presents.  It's about re-creating Christmases past. Helping your children have that feeling of fun and excitement that lasts for a month. Creating traditions and memories. Here are some of ours that just make Christmas magical.

Making cinnamon rolls.  Thank you Mom for teaching us all how to make these and helping these yummy treats become one of our (and our neighbors and extended family members') traditions!

Gingerbread houses.  They may be a little smaller than we grew up making, but it's such a great tradition to load up on sugar and make these treats. Candy on the house, candy in my mouth, candy on the house...We love inviting friends over to make these with us.

Acting out the nativity scene while reading Luke 2. Dad was an angel, and the naked baby was a sheep.  I wanted him to be baby Jesus, but was told by our 6 yr old director and costumer that he would just get into everything.

Is there any better way to describe the exhaustion of Christmas night after a month of excitement?

What a great time of year for making memories!



Family night chaos

Every Monday night our family has Family Home Evening. I completely understand how important it is for our family to develop this tradition of putting other things aside and spending time together as a family.  And about every other week I wonder how effective it really is and whether it's worth it.  Here's a sample of how it went at our house this evening.

By the time we finally finished dinner & treats (we have those before we start), there were about 20 minutes until bedtime.  We all sat down on the couches together, except for the baby who was on the floor making noise.  The 2 year old had been having a fit, so the only thing that made her happy was if we gave her the little American flag to hold that has been perched on top of the bookshelf since July.  This, of course, required that the 3 year old and 5 year old have their flags also. The 3 year old was in charge of music, so we sang Popcorn Popping, with flags waving.  Our 5 year old gave an opening prayer. 

Our 5 year old was supposed to be in charge of sharing a family history story.  She decided she wanted to just talk about families.  It went something like this: "Families should have family home evening.  Some families have gardens with lots of flowers.  Some families have dogs.  [I'm going to talk about the year]. Some families go sledding together."  While this was going on, I was in between 2 children waving flags, trying desperately not to be poked in the head.  Dad gave a lesson then on Jacob & his sons (Joseph, etc.), talking about how we should be nice to others even if they are not nice to us. (A timely lesson considering the amount of fighting going on in our house lately). The older 2 children are listening and giving examples of people doing mean things, while the 2 year old wanders and I have to pick up the baby who is yelling, so that he can be fed.  This lesson was repeatedly interrupted with me saying "No fencing with the flags". This was followed by a closing song of "I Hope They Call Me on a Mission" and a closing prayer and a 10 minute game of Hide and Seek.  Topped off, of course, with some fighting and whining as we head upstairs for bedtime.

I understand that really the consistency is what is key and is what our children will remember, more than whatever is taught in a lesson.  But, wow, sometimes it's easy to see why so many families don't take the time to spend time in a confined space together on a weekly basis.

Norrises on parade

My family outings have turned into parades.  Apparently with 4 kids, you instantly become the subject of comments like "Are they all yours?" "How old are all of them?" "Where do you think they got that red hair?"

I wish I could capture in photo what it looks like as we walk from our car to the grocery store, across the parking lot.  Unfortunately, my hands are too full to do so.  I'll try to describe it for you. The baby's not big enough to even sit up, so he still has to be carried in his car seat.  So, I have to lug the car seat into the store to get a cart.  The 2 year old is a little too wild to wander through the parking lot by herself, so her 5 year old sister and 3 year old brother have been assigned the job to hold her hands and keep her safe.  So, the parade begins through the parking lot with the 5 year old in front, leading the 2 year old by the hand, followed by the 3 year old holding her other hand, Sometimes they want to hold my hand as well, so that we have a parade of 5 going through the parking lot.  It almost looks more like a game of Red Rover. 

Who needs to go to crowded, hot parades during the summer when you can just watch the Norris family wander through parking lots.

Family traditions

I love having my very own family traditions.  I have plenty of family traditions that I've inherited from my family or that my husband has inherited from his family, but there's something special about family traditions that we've created ourselves. 

We went to the Orem Summerfest carnival one year out of curiosity and had fun.  The next year we decided we should try again.  Pretty soon it became something our children expected and looked forward to every year, asking when it was going to happen again. 

I think it helps in defining our families as we develop traditions that our truly and uniquely our own.

How'd we get here?

This morning at breakfast I had one of those moments where you just look around you and think "How'd we get here?" I was sitting at my kitchen table eating a pancake breakfast.  My husband was seated across from me.  My 5 year old daughter was also across from me dipping her pancakes generously in syrup as it strung from her plate to her mouth.  My 3 year old son was next to me gobbling his pancakes down like he hadn't eaten for days.  My 2 year old daughter was under the table, incredibly sticky, saying "teeter totter, teeter totter" as she tried to balance on the table legs.  My 2 month old baby was sitting behind me on the counter in a bouncy chair crying because he wasn't being held while we were all sitting at the table eating.  The noise level was amazing, especially for 8:30 am. 

I looked around me and thought, "Wow.  How'd we get here?"  Seven years ago I would have been sitting at this same table by myself quietly reading the newspaper as I ate my Cheerios for breakfast.  Now, here I was sitting there with a husband and 4 children.  I assure you I know the mechanics of how I got to that point.  It was just one of those moments where you realize how blessed you are and how quickly time passes.