Don't be vindictive.

vin·dic·tive [vin-dik-tiv]–adjective: disposed or inclined to revenge; vengeful
As teenagers, my siblings & I would frequently hear my mom say "Don't be vindictive".  This was usually when one of our friends did something to make us angry or hurt our feelings.  She would tell us not to waste our energy trying to get even or react to them, but to move on.  I had no idea this advice would apply to me as a mother as well.

The other day my children made one of the biggest messes they've ever made of my kitchen.  This picture doesn't really do it justice, as it was taken after they had cleaned up some. The floor was covered with water, milk, carrots, hot cocoa, half a bottle of ranch dressing, every apron, and half the kid cups and bowls.  My 2 year old was sitting on the counting, dumping out a packet of dry honey ham glaze all over everything and laughing.  I was not laughing. 

This is one of those moments as a parent when I'm sure I could have just laughed about the whole thing.  Or, I could have taught them a calm lesson about listen to our conscience and what we know if right or wrong.  Or, I could have politely explained to them why they shouldn't dump food all over the floor.  I didn't do any of those things.  I just lost it.  Granted, my losing it is not quite as scary as it could be, but I was furious.  Apparently when they had made a giant mess several months ago, I didn't quite get the point across. My 4 year old said "Sorry we made such a mess mom.  We were having fun."  My 2 year old doesn't know the concept of remorse, so he was still laughing.

I was angry enough, that I just wanted them to be punished somehow and feel guilty for what they had done.  I wanted to be vindictive.  I remembered something my wise sister had told me before - that the point is not to make your children feel guilty, because they won't; the point is to make them understand that there are consequences for their actions.  I'm good at feeling guilty, though.  It's something I inherited.  And I think that because of that I wanted my children to feel guilty about what they had done.  It actually took me at least an hour before I felt like I was over it and not angry at my children for their actions. 

I understand that they're just little kids and they're not trying to be mean.  They also don't quite understand the concept of "wasting" food by dumping it out or of not wanting to clean up a mess. But, wow, it's hard not to feel vindictive even of little kids sometimes.  It's one of those things you're never told before you have children.  As parents, we still have to move on and get over the things our children do, just as we did with our teenage friends.